Robert Palmer once wrote in his book 'The Courage to Teach', that teachers are a courageous lot because their 'work' entails more than teaching. For teachers, in teaching, risked themselves in the process - an effective teacher teaches with passion, with soul. In doing so, he exposes himself to a whole gamut of feelings - disappointment, sadness, joy: you name it as he goes on a roller coaster ride with his students.
I lost that courage earlier this year.
I had just wanted to teach - sans passion, sans soul.
I had wanted to immune myself to the pain of separation, to the worries of caring, to the pining of lost voices and laughters - lost faces.
It didn't work.
It didn't work because Fate was mocking me when I was given a whole bunch of ladies to take care of as my Form Class. Giggly, wide-eyed, hopeful ladies who reminded me every minute of THOSE girls....
It couldn't work because when I didn't want to teach Art, Allah gave me not one, but TWELVE students who approached my help. I couldn't turn them down.
It actually stopped working when these people kept smiling at my face, when these people kept laughing at my lame jokes, when we laughed together at some jokers in the class, at an honest grammatical mistake, which seemed hilarious at that moment. It didn't work too when I heard the sniffles and saw the suppressed tears at the end of 'Song of Gaza.'
Immunity didn't work. The immunity caved in, and passion and soul flooded back in. In giving, I found myself back.
Life, I realised, in its full beauty, is a cycle. A cycle of change. A wondrous cycle of birth, development, fulfillment of your capacities, and the wisdom of age. The trick is to go through that cycle becoming stronger and a better human who is closer to your Creator, so that with wisdom, comes acceptance of a higher Power who always watches, always guides, and always there. For you.Always. I hope I have grown stronger and closer.
So, if we love something, or somebody, ;) - let that love change us to be better.
If you love Irsyad, keep the memories neatly and tightly in there. Nobody can take that away from you. Then change that love, those memories, into a tsunami that propels you further to greater heights. We will always pray for your success down here. We always do.
Welcome back, Mdm B!
(but 'first loves' will always be remembered and remain unforgotten...*wink*)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
'O' Levels...
I couldn't not write about this, could I?
After the dust has settled, after the choices have been made, tears shed - whether of joy or disappointment, after all those victorious and upsetting moments - I still want to say mabruk to those who have risen above the others and made their parents, their teachers, and I dare say, themselves, proud - Maryam (heh, first time I see you cry like no other...), Maira, Sakinah, Syafiq, Nabjo, Irshad, Luqman, Arif, Naufal and Maiss (am sorry if I've got the order wrong...)
I am sure there were many personal victories...
Muhammad, congrats on that English grade - Allah has blessed your efforts and you will surely be spoken as a good example for years to come..
Syikin! Yes! Great results for a girl who remained focused and determined...
Naufal, I have always known you to have that potential - you've proven yourself truly this time!
Maiss! Dear maiss who went on cyber hiatus, studied smart (I remember the Reader's Digest)..you deserve it, lady!
To all those who kept their English distinction all the way to the real 'O's, that was no mean feat, so let nobody belittle that achievement! (Lino, I love you for your strength and stoicness...)
To those who felt I have disappointed them and come short of their expectations in my teaching, I am truly, deeply sorry... :(
To those who felt they have disappointed me - DON'T. You have not disappointed me in any way. No disappointment, just sadness....
My heart went to those whom I saw head bowed, eyes red...nothing except my doa that you'll find the confidence back, hold your head high, and face the world once again...
Let's look to the future.
Let the past be someting to learnt from, to gain strength from.
Let's celebrate the fact that through it all, above all else, you have remained faithful to your friends and I hope, to yourself as well.
Nothing lies in the way of victory except yourself.
You are, your worst enemy, or your own best friend.
'Know your enemy,
Know yourself.
In a hundred battles, you will never be lost' - Sun Tzu
InsyaAllah.
After the dust has settled, after the choices have been made, tears shed - whether of joy or disappointment, after all those victorious and upsetting moments - I still want to say mabruk to those who have risen above the others and made their parents, their teachers, and I dare say, themselves, proud - Maryam (heh, first time I see you cry like no other...), Maira, Sakinah, Syafiq, Nabjo, Irshad, Luqman, Arif, Naufal and Maiss (am sorry if I've got the order wrong...)
I am sure there were many personal victories...
Muhammad, congrats on that English grade - Allah has blessed your efforts and you will surely be spoken as a good example for years to come..
Syikin! Yes! Great results for a girl who remained focused and determined...
Naufal, I have always known you to have that potential - you've proven yourself truly this time!
Maiss! Dear maiss who went on cyber hiatus, studied smart (I remember the Reader's Digest)..you deserve it, lady!
To all those who kept their English distinction all the way to the real 'O's, that was no mean feat, so let nobody belittle that achievement! (Lino, I love you for your strength and stoicness...)
To those who felt I have disappointed them and come short of their expectations in my teaching, I am truly, deeply sorry... :(
To those who felt they have disappointed me - DON'T. You have not disappointed me in any way. No disappointment, just sadness....
My heart went to those whom I saw head bowed, eyes red...nothing except my doa that you'll find the confidence back, hold your head high, and face the world once again...
Let's look to the future.
Let the past be someting to learnt from, to gain strength from.
Let's celebrate the fact that through it all, above all else, you have remained faithful to your friends and I hope, to yourself as well.
Nothing lies in the way of victory except yourself.
You are, your worst enemy, or your own best friend.
'Know your enemy,
Know yourself.
In a hundred battles, you will never be lost' - Sun Tzu
InsyaAllah.
Friday, January 22, 2010
A Pearl lost....
:(
I lost a 'pearl' today...Faezah's last day.
She was a sister whom I could always depend on for sincere, frank advice, someone who has almost any stationery under the sun kept under her table, drawers..someone who is generous with her food, her thoughts, her carings...She might sound harsh, but all you have to do is look up at her face, and all you'll be seeing there is sincerity. I admire her for her strength in spirit and strong sense of justice.
She was truly a true friend.
It was thus, without saying a :( day....
Judging from my dismal track record of keeping in touch with friends, I wonder when will I see her again?
I wish her all the best and may Allah bless her sacrifices in Irsyad. It was truly too, a sad day for Irsyad to lose such a teacher as her.
May her wishes come true - Amin.
In reflecting, there were many friends in Irsyad who have made impacts in my life: Aziz - Mr Sarcasm who could make you 'laugh rolling on the floor' all at the same time, Mdm Nora - my Mentor, a woman of strength and beauty, Rozilawati - who could forget her exuberance? Shidah - my better PDT half...
Come and gone...
Meeting and separating.
Living and dying.
Pains of living
Reality of life.
At least, alhamdulillah, while it lasted, those were beautiful, tempestuous moments together.
Ditto.
I lost a 'pearl' today...Faezah's last day.
She was a sister whom I could always depend on for sincere, frank advice, someone who has almost any stationery under the sun kept under her table, drawers..someone who is generous with her food, her thoughts, her carings...She might sound harsh, but all you have to do is look up at her face, and all you'll be seeing there is sincerity. I admire her for her strength in spirit and strong sense of justice.
She was truly a true friend.
It was thus, without saying a :( day....
Judging from my dismal track record of keeping in touch with friends, I wonder when will I see her again?
I wish her all the best and may Allah bless her sacrifices in Irsyad. It was truly too, a sad day for Irsyad to lose such a teacher as her.
May her wishes come true - Amin.
In reflecting, there were many friends in Irsyad who have made impacts in my life: Aziz - Mr Sarcasm who could make you 'laugh rolling on the floor' all at the same time, Mdm Nora - my Mentor, a woman of strength and beauty, Rozilawati - who could forget her exuberance? Shidah - my better PDT half...
Come and gone...
Meeting and separating.
Living and dying.
Pains of living
Reality of life.
At least, alhamdulillah, while it lasted, those were beautiful, tempestuous moments together.
Ditto.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Chrysalis
Ya Allah
Please help me find
the flicker I've lost
Please help me help
these hopeful chrysalis fly
Amin Ya Rabb
Please help me find
the flicker I've lost
Please help me help
these hopeful chrysalis fly
Amin Ya Rabb
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Jangan ikut macam....
Tersentak seketika kelmarin, tatkala melepasi seorang ayah dengan anak remajanya. Dalam nada yang kesal, si ayah 'menasihati' anaknya:
"Kau jangan jadi macam mak kau, dia......."
Termangu dan terfikir. Bukankah tatkala kita bernikah, yang dinikahi itu merupakan sebaik-baik pilihan? Bukankah si jejaka adalah calon pilihan suami si dara dan begitu juga sebaliknya? Dan jika itu adalah pilihan hati, sudah tentu logikanya pilihan itu adalah yang terbaik? Jika si jejaka adalah lelaki terbaik untuk dijadikan suami dan ayah kepada anak-anak, dan si dara adalah wanita terbaik untuk dijadikan isteri dan ibu kepada anak-anak, maka suami-isteri harus merasa bangga yang anak-anak mereka saling tak tumpah seperti ibu dan ayah mereka bukan?
Lainlah jika jodoh itu dipilih oleh keluarga...
Maka, kenapa setelah anak-anak besar dan menjadi remaja, semacam timbul penyesalan?
Saya teringat dialog dari filem 'Kejar daku, kejar daku, Dikau kan ku tangkap', di mana hero telah dinasihati lebih kurang sebegini:
"Sebelum kamu bernikah, maka bukalah mata mu seluas-luasnya di dalam membuat pilihan...namun, setelah bernikah, tutuplah mata mu serapat-rapatnya agar kamu tak bisa melihat kekurangan yang ada pada pasanganmu itu!"
Jika jodoh dan pertemuan itu adalah ketentuan Allah, maka wajarlah si ayah tadi mensyukuri jodohnya dan melihat kepada kebaikan isterinya...Mungkin keburukan yang dilihat sebenarnya ada kebaikan yang tersembunyi disebaliknya ? Wallahuaklam. :)
"Cinta itu menyembuhkan, bukan menyakitkan..." Ketika Cinta Bertasbih, Habiburrahman
Moga dilindungi Allah daripada cinta palsu.... Amin.
"Kau jangan jadi macam mak kau, dia......."
Termangu dan terfikir. Bukankah tatkala kita bernikah, yang dinikahi itu merupakan sebaik-baik pilihan? Bukankah si jejaka adalah calon pilihan suami si dara dan begitu juga sebaliknya? Dan jika itu adalah pilihan hati, sudah tentu logikanya pilihan itu adalah yang terbaik? Jika si jejaka adalah lelaki terbaik untuk dijadikan suami dan ayah kepada anak-anak, dan si dara adalah wanita terbaik untuk dijadikan isteri dan ibu kepada anak-anak, maka suami-isteri harus merasa bangga yang anak-anak mereka saling tak tumpah seperti ibu dan ayah mereka bukan?
Lainlah jika jodoh itu dipilih oleh keluarga...
Maka, kenapa setelah anak-anak besar dan menjadi remaja, semacam timbul penyesalan?
Saya teringat dialog dari filem 'Kejar daku, kejar daku, Dikau kan ku tangkap', di mana hero telah dinasihati lebih kurang sebegini:
"Sebelum kamu bernikah, maka bukalah mata mu seluas-luasnya di dalam membuat pilihan...namun, setelah bernikah, tutuplah mata mu serapat-rapatnya agar kamu tak bisa melihat kekurangan yang ada pada pasanganmu itu!"
Jika jodoh dan pertemuan itu adalah ketentuan Allah, maka wajarlah si ayah tadi mensyukuri jodohnya dan melihat kepada kebaikan isterinya...Mungkin keburukan yang dilihat sebenarnya ada kebaikan yang tersembunyi disebaliknya ? Wallahuaklam. :)
"Cinta itu menyembuhkan, bukan menyakitkan..." Ketika Cinta Bertasbih, Habiburrahman
Moga dilindungi Allah daripada cinta palsu.... Amin.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Welcoming P2 Andalusia with a splash!
When I was invited to be part of the Decoration Committee 2010, I was not confident of whether I could contribute anything particularly meaningful. Yes, I love Art, still, the confidence wasn't there. Alhamdulillah my partner was Zainab, for she brought into our discussions exuberance, curiosity and creativity which I found admirable. Our class theme was 'Sea'. You should have seen us at Mustafa Centre! We were all giggly and super-excited at the toys section! We wanted to have 'bubbles' hanging from the lamps. We found Christmas hangings - you know, the metallic little balls - of which the colours blue and silver were just right. However, we were afraid that the class would turn 'Christmassy', so we settled for soft, plastic balls instead. Cloth for the background of the noticeboards came from Spotlight, where I shopped alone and happily. I found a carpark lot just as I came up the 2nd level of Plaza Singapura. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw this car from the 3rd level seemingly in a hurry to go down. As I complete the parking, I saw the driver from the car passed me by, giving me killer looks. He had wanted to park there! Well, sorry if I did not read the 'body message' of your car properly! Sheesh....
Thursday came and it was 'do or die' for all of us in the Committee, for we have only got that day and Saturday left to decorate, before Monday the 4th comes by. I could not come back to Singapore that Saturday, so panic overcame me as I realised we had no student helpers. I tried to contact a few students, but without success. Not their fault, really. Help came in the form of a face that peered into the staffroom at about noon, looking for Alwiya. Irshad! He was sweet enough to promise helping us and I breathed once again. Abu was also there, so we have two strong pair of hands to help with the hanging . Oh! When I first saw Abu that day, I though he was some Bangladeshi worker who lost his way in Irsyad...really! :)
It was difficult at first, trying to put up the cloth but Zainab and myself finally got the rhythm and Ustazah Mazaniah was an expert at sewing the yellow-blue-green plastic balls together with just nylon - the kind you use for fishing rods. She was indispensable - without her, I wouldn't know how to put the 'bubble' idea into reality. The camaderie felt when other Committee members chipped in, either with ideas or sharing of resources was something I have not felt for a long time. :)
May the P2 Andalusians feel really welcomed for the year 2010 back in Irsyad!
Thursday came and it was 'do or die' for all of us in the Committee, for we have only got that day and Saturday left to decorate, before Monday the 4th comes by. I could not come back to Singapore that Saturday, so panic overcame me as I realised we had no student helpers. I tried to contact a few students, but without success. Not their fault, really. Help came in the form of a face that peered into the staffroom at about noon, looking for Alwiya. Irshad! He was sweet enough to promise helping us and I breathed once again. Abu was also there, so we have two strong pair of hands to help with the hanging . Oh! When I first saw Abu that day, I though he was some Bangladeshi worker who lost his way in Irsyad...really! :)
It was difficult at first, trying to put up the cloth but Zainab and myself finally got the rhythm and Ustazah Mazaniah was an expert at sewing the yellow-blue-green plastic balls together with just nylon - the kind you use for fishing rods. She was indispensable - without her, I wouldn't know how to put the 'bubble' idea into reality. The camaderie felt when other Committee members chipped in, either with ideas or sharing of resources was something I have not felt for a long time. :)
May the P2 Andalusians feel really welcomed for the year 2010 back in Irsyad!
Muhasabah 2009
It is too tempting not to post a blog on 1.1.2010. ;)
Would like to begin with the fact that 2009 has been a whirlwind kind of year.
Everything went past so quickly. Ever so fast. Here's a few quick retakes:
Professionally, I learnt that I am a better follower than I was a leader. I think. I certainly felt calmer, more at ease and could focused more on my students. I think I gave my all this year, and enjoying every minute of it! I was always looking forward to being with them, always thinking of how best to make them understand. I hope they have enjoyed their learning moments too. ;) And, may Allah not only bless all the teachers and my efforts, but the efforts of the students too and help make their prayers and their parents' prayers for their success come true. Amin, ya Rabb.
As a parent, I am feeling the 'euphoria' of being a mother to children of almost all major stages of development - Halim and Hadi (the emergent adult), Hafiz the tumultuous teenager, Haziq the 'infuriatingly matured but still babyish' 9 year old, and of course Nina, at two and a half - always, always, testing my patience and always, always charmed me back as well...At the end of the day, when they all lay sleeping, I thanked Allah for blessing me with 'good' children, alhamdulillah. May Allah guide them always on His right path and give them happiness and blessings, dunia and akhirat. Amin.
Being a mother has its perks, though. Halim has at times, been mistaken for my husband! Especially when he is carrying Nina and I came into the picture - somehow, people cannot fit it in their minds that I can have both a grownup son and a little toddler as children! The first time it happened was at a vegetable stall and I remember looking incredulously at the stallowner and thinking rudely, "Buta ke?!!" (Is he blind or what???) When it happened again I was in serious questioning of myself - did I dress not right for my age? Did I behave not right for my age? Nothing, however, beat what happened at Jusco just last month. This young salesgirl looked up at Halim and said confidently, "This is your boyfriend, right?" BOYFRIEND??? You should see how red Halim was - he was red all the way to his ears!!! Oh well...I am sure 'age' will catch up with me pretty soon, so better not trouble trouble before it troubles you...In the meantime - Halim is seriously thinking of wearing a T-shirt that says-This is my mother!
Personally, will remain personal, thank you. :) However, there was something that happened which so completely overwhelmed and overturned what I believed I was like and showed to me how fragile I was as a human. It made me happy most times, confused sometimes, sad at times...it was maddening. One good thing which came out of it was that I felt only Allah would understand and He thus became my confidante....
Oh! I finally finished writing a book! It started as a sort of a journey down memory lane, but somehow, along the way, the characters took on a life of their own and the present got entertwined with the past. I think I will share the story here in this blog. :) More importantly, to The Writer, Lino, Nabmo and Insyirah - keep on writing, alright? If I can do it at this age, you people surely could do better! I started writing stories at about the same age as you people - so keep writing and don't ever give up! Wouldn't it be just great to see your name in print someday?
There is more pleasure in giving than receiving. Oh! The grateful and surprised smiles from the receiver is enough good memories for a lifetime!
Many, many more.
All of which, I hope, has made me a better Muslimah. Amin.
Would like to begin with the fact that 2009 has been a whirlwind kind of year.
Everything went past so quickly. Ever so fast. Here's a few quick retakes:
Professionally, I learnt that I am a better follower than I was a leader. I think. I certainly felt calmer, more at ease and could focused more on my students. I think I gave my all this year, and enjoying every minute of it! I was always looking forward to being with them, always thinking of how best to make them understand. I hope they have enjoyed their learning moments too. ;) And, may Allah not only bless all the teachers and my efforts, but the efforts of the students too and help make their prayers and their parents' prayers for their success come true. Amin, ya Rabb.
As a parent, I am feeling the 'euphoria' of being a mother to children of almost all major stages of development - Halim and Hadi (the emergent adult), Hafiz the tumultuous teenager, Haziq the 'infuriatingly matured but still babyish' 9 year old, and of course Nina, at two and a half - always, always, testing my patience and always, always charmed me back as well...At the end of the day, when they all lay sleeping, I thanked Allah for blessing me with 'good' children, alhamdulillah. May Allah guide them always on His right path and give them happiness and blessings, dunia and akhirat. Amin.
Being a mother has its perks, though. Halim has at times, been mistaken for my husband! Especially when he is carrying Nina and I came into the picture - somehow, people cannot fit it in their minds that I can have both a grownup son and a little toddler as children! The first time it happened was at a vegetable stall and I remember looking incredulously at the stallowner and thinking rudely, "Buta ke?!!" (Is he blind or what???) When it happened again I was in serious questioning of myself - did I dress not right for my age? Did I behave not right for my age? Nothing, however, beat what happened at Jusco just last month. This young salesgirl looked up at Halim and said confidently, "This is your boyfriend, right?" BOYFRIEND??? You should see how red Halim was - he was red all the way to his ears!!! Oh well...I am sure 'age' will catch up with me pretty soon, so better not trouble trouble before it troubles you...In the meantime - Halim is seriously thinking of wearing a T-shirt that says-This is my mother!
Personally, will remain personal, thank you. :) However, there was something that happened which so completely overwhelmed and overturned what I believed I was like and showed to me how fragile I was as a human. It made me happy most times, confused sometimes, sad at times...it was maddening. One good thing which came out of it was that I felt only Allah would understand and He thus became my confidante....
Oh! I finally finished writing a book! It started as a sort of a journey down memory lane, but somehow, along the way, the characters took on a life of their own and the present got entertwined with the past. I think I will share the story here in this blog. :) More importantly, to The Writer, Lino, Nabmo and Insyirah - keep on writing, alright? If I can do it at this age, you people surely could do better! I started writing stories at about the same age as you people - so keep writing and don't ever give up! Wouldn't it be just great to see your name in print someday?
There is more pleasure in giving than receiving. Oh! The grateful and surprised smiles from the receiver is enough good memories for a lifetime!
Many, many more.
All of which, I hope, has made me a better Muslimah. Amin.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)