24th July 2010
I have a photo of you people just by my desk, pinned on to an orangey red soft board. It’s the picture we took on the roof top. The goofy picture – where everybody’s smiling and clowning around. I certainly looked out of place, being FT to neither class, only teaching English, but being invited up on the roof all the same. How candid that picture was, with Ismail trying very hard to avoid Sufian’s outstretched fingers. Irshad in a pose so unlike him, and Syera being as cheeky as usual in her signature pose then…And it aches –oh! How it aches to see those smiles, those faces! Only God knows how it aches so…. I don't know why you people are always in my mind - maybe it's because in your innocence, I saw your strength; in your strength, I saw my own weaknesses and in your weaknesses, I saw a way to be stronger, alhamdulillah. In giving and teaching you people, I think I have received more and learned more than you did. And this, truly, is an under statement...In all of you I see my life for the past nine years in and OUT of Irsyad - the good and the bad times; some memories are not for me to share with you here, for you're all still too young for that. If it is not too much to say - knowing you people have made me closer to Allah, have made me see myself as who I really am - and I am ashamed at that revelation, humbled by that knowledge - if only you knew, but I pray you will never know.
Okay, okay.. I am emo-ing right now... :)
But as I wrote on the KFA nominees, writing and remembering, superimposing those memories with what recently happened in school, I felt a sense of dread; the realisation that people change. Everybody changes - for better or worse. And that's when I think I want to write on the rest of the S509 – as I remember them. Please do not misconstrue that I love any of my other students less. Only that, I think I know them MORE than my present students, having taught this lot and knowing them since they were in Primary 4. Afwan too if these observations are not accurate; if they seemed superficial, if there is a smirk somewhere in the readers who thought "She is wrong..." :) Humour me for these are written wholly from the perpective of someone who have been with these people since they were mere 10 year olds then. Pardon me too , if I write on how you behave, how your eyes look for these are things I remember, especially eyes and smiles. Some people remember other parts of the anatomy, but for me, eyes never lie and smiles never fail to brighten anyone's day, no matter how purile or fake they were put on for in the first place. I want to remember you people as you were at that point of time before maturity and experience changes everything. Everything...
These are written in absolutely random order. So, here goes:
1. Meera Monday : the daughter I never had enough time to spend with.I remember her faraway look- a look which is more mature than her years, a pain only God knows and it hurts me to see that look in those beautiful eyes. But Allah knows better how strong His servants are..and the laughter!! Never loud, but tingling and lovely to hear. I remember her conviction to be a better person, I remember the times when focused, she could move mountains and be what she was meant to be. She still is an unpolished gem.
2. Haykal : Flashes of anger in those curly-lashed black eyes and then the smile would come - totally sincere and those eyes would light up again. I remember his soothing, calm manner as he helped out to pacify his friends and of course, again, that brilliant smile! I remember the day I passed him the book - his face had been most distraught - stressed- perhaps. But then he smiled on receiving it - and it broke my heart to see such a smile, such happiness that it pained me too.. and i wished i could make him smile every single day...
3. Hannah : skinny as a bamboo stick. Still remember the bewildered look she would have when things get a little bit difficult to understand, the frown and knitted eyebrows. I remember the great pictures she took, the books she read - she was such a reader! Her favourite pose then was the 'pouting lips' and that always made me laugh! I used to look at photographs she posted in her blog and marvelled at their simplicity in content and in awe at the artistic angle the photos were taken.
4. Sufian : The Gentleman. A gentle soul with a soft heart - he would 'puncture' his sentences with a small laugh at the end. Teaching him art gave the opportunity to see his 'crazy' streak and his earnestness when doing his work - but he was always relaxed, like the world can go berserk for all he cares - that, never ruffled his kindly, calm disposition. I am sure he has been angry before, but have never personally seen him being angry once.
(Okay, have to stop here first - overspilling of memories in this old brain of mind...hope Allah will grant me the stamina to complete the whole lot..insyaAllah!)
Doa rabitah buat anak-anak S509...
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Promise?
Can we not just
be friends
living amicably together?
Instead of you
always tearing apart –
my pride, my dignity, my honour
testing my patience, my iman, my pledge to Allah
till I don't recognised me for who I am -
for who I was, even -
Can we be just that?
We might not together end in heaven
But let’s not make this a living hell either…
be friends
living amicably together?
Instead of you
always tearing apart –
my pride, my dignity, my honour
testing my patience, my iman, my pledge to Allah
till I don't recognised me for who I am -
for who I was, even -
Can we be just that?
We might not together end in heaven
But let’s not make this a living hell either…
To cane, or not to cane - that is the question.
(From henceforth, a few of my entries are backlogged ones. That is, I have written these some time ago, but have not found the time, or in some writings, the courage, to publish them. I normally mull over my entries, thinking about the impact they have on readers (if any do read them anyway!) and the implications or insinuations the writings might have.)
July 21st 2010 marks a momentous event in Irsyad. For the first time in my nine years here, the school conducted a public caning on three students – 2 are secondary three pupils, whereas one is a mere secondary two pupil. ‘Conducted’ seemed to imply that it was some sort of organized show. Indeed, it was. Every single detail was discussed, debated and agreed upon. It had to be done in an atmosphere of seriousness and respect – for Allah’s laws, for the teachers, for the students and above all, we do not want the offenders to be stripped of their dignity. In the end, the public nature of their crime warranted a public punishment, and thus, the public caning.
The decision to cane was not an easy one. The polemics gyrated among many issues – like the impact of the offenders’ actions on the school, in particular, and on the madrasah community in general. Many questions were asked – what went inside their heads when they did it? What made them do what they did? At one point of their misdeeds, the scene caught on camera was blasphemous and that shook all of us, with a few shedding tears. The utter lack of awareness of Allah’s omnipotent presence was just too unthinkable, too incomprehensible – yet the video caught them exactly in that state – utter disregard for a shared common courtesy, a shared common respect and a shared common tauhidic concept.
The three were caned in an atmosphere of tension and silence. Each received three lashes. Only the lashings were heard. The first and second offenders took their punishment quietly. I was not looking. I couldn't look. Wouldn't look...The third offender, perhaps due to his young age, was visibly disturbed, his face already red before he was caned and my fear, as well as some other teachers was that he would collapsed before the canings were completed. He was groaning by the first caning...I shed tears for him, that boy...for I remembered when he was in primary one and I sent him home about twice or thrice, for he would always be the last boy to still be in school and taking pity of his young age, I would send him home. He wasn't afraid to go home alone even at that young, tender age. He had been independent and street smart and his family puts their complete trust in Allah to protect him and help him as he goes to and from school and his home. He had a pretty serious accident with a lorry when he was in Primary six, if I was not mistaken, but he survived through that too, coming to school with a few scars on his face, still smiling, still unfazed. He was, in all respect, highly impressionable and prefers to mix with older students. In the end, this preference made him the youngest offender among the three caned that day.
May Allah grant these kids taufik and hidayah to understand the serious implications of their misdeeds and help them to turn over a new leaf. Amin.
On retrospect, were we right to take on the role of the family in caning these kids? Has the canings served the purpose of making right the wrongs they committed and making them see their wrongdoings? Did the pain and public shaming make them better Muslims? Did the canings make them see that the school cares for them; that the school still believes in them and has the hope of them changing for the better, which was why we chose caning to expulsion? Did the canings served to warn the others of the serious stance the school takes on such matters? Did the canings instill in others that wrongdoings will be served justice by Allah, if not here on earth, then later in the hereafter???
These are salient questions with no clear answers. However, I fear that to many of those questions, the answer is a dull, resounding 'No!'
July 21st 2010 marks a momentous event in Irsyad. For the first time in my nine years here, the school conducted a public caning on three students – 2 are secondary three pupils, whereas one is a mere secondary two pupil. ‘Conducted’ seemed to imply that it was some sort of organized show. Indeed, it was. Every single detail was discussed, debated and agreed upon. It had to be done in an atmosphere of seriousness and respect – for Allah’s laws, for the teachers, for the students and above all, we do not want the offenders to be stripped of their dignity. In the end, the public nature of their crime warranted a public punishment, and thus, the public caning.
The decision to cane was not an easy one. The polemics gyrated among many issues – like the impact of the offenders’ actions on the school, in particular, and on the madrasah community in general. Many questions were asked – what went inside their heads when they did it? What made them do what they did? At one point of their misdeeds, the scene caught on camera was blasphemous and that shook all of us, with a few shedding tears. The utter lack of awareness of Allah’s omnipotent presence was just too unthinkable, too incomprehensible – yet the video caught them exactly in that state – utter disregard for a shared common courtesy, a shared common respect and a shared common tauhidic concept.
The three were caned in an atmosphere of tension and silence. Each received three lashes. Only the lashings were heard. The first and second offenders took their punishment quietly. I was not looking. I couldn't look. Wouldn't look...The third offender, perhaps due to his young age, was visibly disturbed, his face already red before he was caned and my fear, as well as some other teachers was that he would collapsed before the canings were completed. He was groaning by the first caning...I shed tears for him, that boy...for I remembered when he was in primary one and I sent him home about twice or thrice, for he would always be the last boy to still be in school and taking pity of his young age, I would send him home. He wasn't afraid to go home alone even at that young, tender age. He had been independent and street smart and his family puts their complete trust in Allah to protect him and help him as he goes to and from school and his home. He had a pretty serious accident with a lorry when he was in Primary six, if I was not mistaken, but he survived through that too, coming to school with a few scars on his face, still smiling, still unfazed. He was, in all respect, highly impressionable and prefers to mix with older students. In the end, this preference made him the youngest offender among the three caned that day.
May Allah grant these kids taufik and hidayah to understand the serious implications of their misdeeds and help them to turn over a new leaf. Amin.
On retrospect, were we right to take on the role of the family in caning these kids? Has the canings served the purpose of making right the wrongs they committed and making them see their wrongdoings? Did the pain and public shaming make them better Muslims? Did the canings make them see that the school cares for them; that the school still believes in them and has the hope of them changing for the better, which was why we chose caning to expulsion? Did the canings served to warn the others of the serious stance the school takes on such matters? Did the canings instill in others that wrongdoings will be served justice by Allah, if not here on earth, then later in the hereafter???
These are salient questions with no clear answers. However, I fear that to many of those questions, the answer is a dull, resounding 'No!'
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