Remembering 'Shauqina'

It used to hurt whenever i think of my 'shauqina'. i did not understand why i must be feeling that way, to be pining that way, because it was wrong. very wrong. it is wrong to be feeling that way. and i promised that i will never go down that path again - enough for this once, i was caught unaware and when i realised what was happening, i was too deep in the quagmire to pull out. painful and shameful. that was all i can say here.

but enough.

Alhamdulillah, 'Remembering Shauqina' was finally 'published' at $3 per book. i had money for only 20 copies. The first copy I gave to Shifak, the little S4 girl with big eyes, who actually gave me the confidence to go ahead and publish and heck care with what others felt. She was always so encouraging, so sweetly supportive. The first book goes to her. I am keeping one for Lino - for she is among the S509 who have inspired me and kept me going to complete the book. Not forgetting she was the first to cry and asked me to change the ending. I might give one to Ishak, for he inspired me to write one incident based on his experience. But the irony is that, I will not give Shauqina to the person who inspired me to write on Zak. In fact, now that I ponder on it, Zak is a conglomeration of a few pple, existing in one. Confusing, huh?

but enough.

My S511 girls have been my staunchest supporters - they actually circulated the original compilation until the cover was in in tatters - they even had a list of names of those who have read the story and many more were on the waiting list but the exams was near.

I have put up the story on wattpad and the result has been alhamdulillah. :)
This has encouraged me to write more - am toying with the idea of writing a more adult tone book, you know - maybe focusing on Zak's family's dysfunctionality and writing in the third voice, to give more room to analyse the characters. :) InsyaAllah.

I also plan, insyaAllah, to put Arya on paper too, just for memory sake.

Ya Allah! Above all, may the pen you gave me be used to spread glad tidings and rememberance of you, my Creator, my Most Merciful Sustainer. And may the dream of forming a pool of English Muslim writers who inspire come true. Ameen.