Emotional Roller Coaster

Last Friday, 8th April was an emotional roller coaster for me. It had been a most gruelling 'emotional' two weeks before that - what with a major offence on top priority - meeting parents, meeting siblings - trying not to be too affected by it, when in all seriousness and sincerity, I just wished I wasn't one of them to handle such cases. Worst, I teach this child and it was not easy to stay cool in class and went on with lessons. It wasn't. But, alhamdulillah, the isolation week for him went on fine and I think that it was the most impactful isolation period we ever had. But that Friday was like the finale of it all. In the morning, caught a S5 girl in the lift still listening to her phone. It wasn't like I was purposely looking for anything amiss - but hey, her earphones were sticking out visibly from her tudung. Very disappointed as the students were just reminded of this rule the day before. Contact time for students were filled with a briefing on minor and major offences by LCs in the Auditorium. Before that, in class, we had our usual public speaking for the pupils in preparation for their MYE Oral Exams. One of the girls, stood up and said calmly that she wanted to help her parents financially when she graduated. Then, she did the unthinkable - she covered her face and cried. Just like that. She was a jovial girl, always the smiley one and the responsive one in class. Her reaction took me completely by surprise and I felt so guilty. Because I knew her father. I knew how hard he tried to make it for the family. I just felt guilty and that is between me and Allah. I was touched- deeply touched. Then the auditorium briefing, which went okay, I think, but then again, those who know me would know how much I feel uncomfortable talking to a huge crowd like that. I could feel my face going red at times. After solat Jumaat, I had to hurry up to the eighth floor to talk to a S4 class regarding class punishment. Along the staircase, at Level 7, as Allah would will it, I found a note written by a girl to a boy. Hmmm..not good. Not good at all. At the S4 class, Ustazah Rabiah was with me. I started okay, I guess, but as I spoke, I don't know, guess things overwhelmed me and yah..I almost lose it in the class and managed a quick salam before I moved out and yah...it was bad. Luckily, I was alone in the lift and went straight to the toilet to wash my face and to calm down. It's not easy being someone in the discipline field. It is an amanah that must be fulfilled to the best, and may Allah forgive me for all my miscalculations and misreading of the cases. Alhamdulillah, we practised syurah and that really make decision making easier and less influenced by personal agendas. There are of course most fulfilling times when you see a flicker of understanding in the eyes of the pupils that you speak to, their sense of regret and desire to be a better person after you talk to them. These are small/meagre compensations for the sleepless nights and endless worries, but these are the things that I guess keep us going, knowing and hoping that what we do and say today, has help at least one soul out there to have a brighter future. InsyaAllah and Ameen! :)