I WANT to remember...

24th July 2010

I have a photo of you people just by my desk, pinned on to an orangey red soft board. It’s the picture we took on the roof top. The goofy picture – where everybody’s smiling and clowning around. I certainly looked out of place, being FT to neither class, only teaching English, but being invited up on the roof all the same. How candid that picture was, with Ismail trying very hard to avoid Sufian’s outstretched fingers. Irshad in a pose so unlike him, and Syera being as cheeky as usual in her signature pose then…And it aches –oh! How it aches to see those smiles, those faces! Only God knows how it aches so…. I don't know why you people are always in my mind - maybe it's because in your innocence, I saw your strength; in your strength, I saw my own weaknesses and in your weaknesses, I saw a way to be stronger, alhamdulillah. In giving and teaching you people, I think I have received more and learned more than you did. And this, truly, is an under statement...In all of you I see my life for the past nine years in and OUT of Irsyad - the good and the bad times; some memories are not for me to share with you here, for you're all still too young for that. If it is not too much to say - knowing you people have made me closer to Allah, have made me see myself as who I really am - and I am ashamed at that revelation, humbled by that knowledge - if only you knew, but I pray you will never know.

Okay, okay.. I am emo-ing right now... :)
But as I wrote on the KFA nominees, writing and remembering, superimposing those memories with what recently happened in school, I felt a sense of dread; the realisation that people change. Everybody changes - for better or worse. And that's when I think I want to write on the rest of the S509 – as I remember them. Please do not misconstrue that I love any of my other students less. Only that, I think I know them MORE than my present students, having taught this lot and knowing them since they were in Primary 4. Afwan too if these observations are not accurate; if they seemed superficial, if there is a smirk somewhere in the readers who thought "She is wrong..." :) Humour me for these are written wholly from the perpective of someone who have been with these people since they were mere 10 year olds then. Pardon me too , if I write on how you behave, how your eyes look for these are things I remember, especially eyes and smiles. Some people remember other parts of the anatomy, but for me, eyes never lie and smiles never fail to brighten anyone's day, no matter how purile or fake they were put on for in the first place. I want to remember you people as you were at that point of time before maturity and experience changes everything. Everything...

These are written in absolutely random order. So, here goes:

1. Meera Monday : the daughter I never had enough time to spend with.I remember her faraway look- a look which is more mature than her years, a pain only God knows and it hurts me to see that look in those beautiful eyes. But Allah knows better how strong His servants are..and the laughter!! Never loud, but tingling and lovely to hear. I remember her conviction to be a better person, I remember the times when focused, she could move mountains and be what she was meant to be. She still is an unpolished gem.

2. Haykal : Flashes of anger in those curly-lashed black eyes and then the smile would come - totally sincere and those eyes would light up again. I remember his soothing, calm manner as he helped out to pacify his friends and of course, again, that brilliant smile! I remember the day I passed him the book - his face had been most distraught - stressed- perhaps. But then he smiled on receiving it - and it broke my heart to see such a smile, such happiness that it pained me too.. and i wished i could make him smile every single day...


3. Hannah : skinny as a bamboo stick. Still remember the bewildered look she would have when things get a little bit difficult to understand, the frown and knitted eyebrows. I remember the great pictures she took, the books she read - she was such a reader! Her favourite pose then was the 'pouting lips' and that always made me laugh! I used to look at photographs she posted in her blog and marvelled at their simplicity in content and in awe at the artistic angle the photos were taken.

4. Sufian : The Gentleman. A gentle soul with a soft heart - he would 'puncture' his sentences with a small laugh at the end. Teaching him art gave the opportunity to see his 'crazy' streak and his earnestness when doing his work - but he was always relaxed, like the world can go berserk for all he cares - that, never ruffled his kindly, calm disposition. I am sure he has been angry before, but have never personally seen him being angry once.

(Okay, have to stop here first - overspilling of memories in this old brain of mind...hope Allah will grant me the stamina to complete the whole lot..insyaAllah!)

Doa rabitah buat anak-anak S509...